Orient Toward Desire + Calibrate Often
Since the first quarantine in March, I’ve been recalibrating how I spend my days - often.
Most recently I’ve switched my working hours from afternoon naptime to before-the-kids-wake-up mornings.
Because the way we feel inside daily life is what informs everything else: how we interact with our kids, how productive we can be with work, whether or not we show up to our practice.
Which is to say, it’s important. Most important, maybe.
Let’s talk about the difference between ORIENTING your life + CALIBRATING your days.
Since the first quarantine in March, I’ve been recalibrating how I spend my days - often.
Most recently I’ve switched my working hours from afternoon naptime to before-the-kids-wake-up mornings.
Because the way we feel inside daily life is what informs everything else: how we interact with our kids, how productive we can be with work, whether or not we show up to our practice.
Which is to say, it’s important. Most important, maybe.
It’s particularly important inside the uncertainty of 2020 - because many of us are reorienting life and/or recalibrating days, regularly.
But what’s that mean, really?
To ORIENT your life toward what you desire means to identify what you want (short-term OR long-term) and face that direction.
This requires looking back to where you’ve been + looking down to where you are as ANCHOR points; and then facing your hopeful future.
To CALIBRATE your days means to embody the work it takes to get there.
This happens regularly: if we know where we’re going, we can take a few steps forward, consider whether that’s still the right direction, and then determine what’s next.
For me “recalibrating” toward the vision shows up most often in how I spend my time.
I determine whether the work I’m doing now is actually productive.
I decide whether my daily busy-ness is in alignment with my Heart.
I write down everything I’ve done + everything I haven’t done (which often helps me change up our daily schedule).
If it sounds “easy," I can assure you it's not (for me).
Simple maybe, but challenging in the sense that it requires my best effort… something I running out of, quickly.
Still, it's the best I've got right now: to anchor myself within this moment and face the direction that's calling my name (even if I'm not yet ready to step forward).
xx, alycia buenger
Lead With Desire: How To Do MORE Of What You Want
Some of the greatest teachers of our time (Danielle LaPorte’s Desire Map, all of Glennon Doyle’s words) - they say, “Desire is what leads us deeper into ourselves!”
And that’s my experience, too.
LEAD WITH DESIRE is one of the key parts of my work: first, because women often don't (and why not experiment!); second, because that's what's divinely gifted as guidance in the right direction.
The basic rule is this: Ritualize what supports you (i.e. do more of what you desire). And limit what doesn't (i.e. do less of what you don't).
Once upon a time I had an incredible therapist (who I hated) who said, “What you need is a box full of supports, metaphorical and in real-life, to keep you grounded when you’re ready to fly away.”
At the time I thought, “NO, what I need is a brain transplant, because I can’t escape the hard-ness of motherhood, and maybe, probably, another brain might?”
She was right, though.
What I needed was a go-to list of what supports me: When I’d rather eat ice-cream than write about my feelings, When I’d rather binge Netflix than roll out my mat, When I’d rather walk away from my family than plow through another hard conversation.
(If this all sounds rather serious, that’s because life is serious business. Fun maybe, but serious - and sometimes harder than we imagine possible.)
Quite frankly, I’m still not great with this practice.
I have my list, I have my box full of items that remind me I’m a Good, Whole person with a Soul-Purpose and a long, long list of reasons to show up.
But still, my practice is… a practice.
The important realization here is that: Everything inside my “support system box” is everything I love most.
And holy smokes, if that’s not the solution to the problem in the first place.
Do MORE of what you want, MORE of what you deep-down desire… and LESS of what you don’t.
Some of the greatest teachers of our time (Danielle LaPorte’s Desire Map, all of Glennon Doyle’s words) - they say, “Desire is what leads us deeper into ourselves!”
And that’s my experience, too.
LEAD WITH DESIRE is one of the key parts of my work: first, because women often don't (and why not experiment!); second, because that's what's divinely gifted as guidance in the right direction.
Thoughts on this? Share ‘em in the comments below!
xx, alycia buenger