What To Do When You're Feeling Anxious + Overwhelmed
I’ve been in the “regularly anxious and overwhelmed” category since I was a kid.
Overwhelm is so familiar to me by now, I often know the cause, and even the solution! But somehow, it’s still incredibly hard to escape.
Probably because, I’m trying to escape… v. stay long enough to move through it.
I’m writing to you in the middle of overwhelm (which always makes me question whether I really know what I’m doing, whether I really know how to support anyone - including myself).
When I say “overwhelm,” I’m talking about what I experience as overwhelm:
anxiety, fear, anger, confusion, not-enough-ness, too-much-ness, wishing to be BOTH completely alone + completely surrounded by my favorite people (and maybe Oprah, and Kristen Bell’s character on The Good Place for good measure).
Basically, I’m feeling lots of things at once and almost no clarity about any of it.
I’ve been in the “regularly anxious and overwhelmed” category since I was a kid.
Overwhelm is so familiar to me by now, I often know the cause, and even the solution! But somehow, it’s still incredibly hard to escape.
Probably because, I’m trying to escape… v. stay long enough to move through it.
Which is the point I think: to move through the feeling, to get to the other side.
So here’s what I’m doing today, to get to the other side (I hope it serves as a reminder, for me and for you, when overwhelm inevitably shows up again) -
FIRST, I’m slowing the fuck down.
Which honestly sounds insane, since my whole life moves at a snail’s pace (with young kids who do the same three things on repeat + inside a worldwide quarantine).
But my mind has a hard time slowing down, even (or especially) inside motherhood.
To support myself and my busy brain, I’m reading a favorite novel from childhood (to give my thinking-self a quick break) + cancelling all afternoon plans to sit outside with my girls.
(Please note: creating time to read + cancelling plans isn’t possible for everyone right now. My goal in life is to make it more possible, for myself and other womxn - because if we don’t slow down voluntarily, our bodies often make it a do-or-die necessity.)
SECOND, I’m pulling out my (mental) list of “what feels good,” and doing the ONE thing that will support me now.
I have a long, long list of what feels good + supportive… but I’m not trying to overwhelm my already-overwhelmed self, right?
JUST PICK ONE is my forever mantra. For me right now, it’s painting my nails the color that makes me feel powerful today: sparkles.
(And P.S. Yes, eating ice cream feels good; yes, binge-scrolling Instagram feels good… until it doesn’t.
I’m talking about the really easy, simple, five-minute things we can DO: like 10 squats at the kitchen counter, or taking a steamy-hot shower, or grabbing drive-through coffee.
The point is, it should be REAL self-care, not the kind that feels good and then turns out to make things worse.)
Thank you for reading today - writing about my experience is another supportive practice I reach for inside overwhelm, because it helps me (+ it might help you).
My wish for you right now is that you move through overwhelm + get to the other side with deeper wisdom, greater Love, and the strength to keep going.
xx, alycia buenger
(DISCLAIMER: none of the above should ever replace getting help from a trusted counselor, therapist, or friend if that’s what you need. I am not a therapist, counselor, or medical health professional. This article is about what I do to complement professional forms of support.)