Lead With Desire: How To Do MORE Of What You Want
Some of the greatest teachers of our time (Danielle LaPorte’s Desire Map, all of Glennon Doyle’s words) - they say, “Desire is what leads us deeper into ourselves!”
And that’s my experience, too.
LEAD WITH DESIRE is one of the key parts of my work: first, because women often don't (and why not experiment!); second, because that's what's divinely gifted as guidance in the right direction.
The basic rule is this: Ritualize what supports you (i.e. do more of what you desire). And limit what doesn't (i.e. do less of what you don't).
Once upon a time I had an incredible therapist (who I hated) who said, “What you need is a box full of supports, metaphorical and in real-life, to keep you grounded when you’re ready to fly away.”
At the time I thought, “NO, what I need is a brain transplant, because I can’t escape the hard-ness of motherhood, and maybe, probably, another brain might?”
She was right, though.
What I needed was a go-to list of what supports me: When I’d rather eat ice-cream than write about my feelings, When I’d rather binge Netflix than roll out my mat, When I’d rather walk away from my family than plow through another hard conversation.
(If this all sounds rather serious, that’s because life is serious business. Fun maybe, but serious - and sometimes harder than we imagine possible.)
Quite frankly, I’m still not great with this practice.
I have my list, I have my box full of items that remind me I’m a Good, Whole person with a Soul-Purpose and a long, long list of reasons to show up.
But still, my practice is… a practice.
The important realization here is that: Everything inside my “support system box” is everything I love most.
And holy smokes, if that’s not the solution to the problem in the first place.
Do MORE of what you want, MORE of what you deep-down desire… and LESS of what you don’t.
Some of the greatest teachers of our time (Danielle LaPorte’s Desire Map, all of Glennon Doyle’s words) - they say, “Desire is what leads us deeper into ourselves!”
And that’s my experience, too.
LEAD WITH DESIRE is one of the key parts of my work: first, because women often don't (and why not experiment!); second, because that's what's divinely gifted as guidance in the right direction.
Thoughts on this? Share ‘em in the comments below!
xx, alycia buenger
When There's Never Enough Time For You
I’ve felt it. You’ve likely felt it.
“There’s not enough time for me.”
Because there really isn’t - not inside a system that devalues a woman’s time.
We might have the same number of HOURS in the day, but not everyone is deemed the same amount of VALUABLE by society (and not everyone has the same number of OPPORTUNITIES to use time freely).
I’ve felt it. You’ve likely felt it.
“There’s not enough time for me.”
Because there really isn’t - not inside a system that devalues a woman’s time.
We might have the same number of HOURS in the day, but not everyone is deemed the same amount of VALUABLE by society (and not everyone has the same number of OPPORTUNITIES to use time freely).
Mothers especially are asked to “hold down the fort” while the world bumps along around us, without us, overtop us (even if we follow the ways of income-making).
I want to do my part in changing that.
And I have a twofold mission: To consciously UNRAVEL inside day-to-day life (expand our experience of time with short-and-sweet, devoted practice!); and to consciously question the system that asks us to de-value our time currency and squeeze into smaller and smaller spaces.
We practice together. We question together. We unravel together.
My work exists to support you in putting more of yourself inside your days - so that you’re no longer squeezing in time for yourself between or after.
Because you are priority - if not inside the world, inside this space.
This is my offering to you, and to those who feel the “not enough time” mantra of modern-day society.
It’s where I make my art: It’s the place that holds my writing + my teaching. It’s birthed within and from my own experience (and now, mixed with yours!)
This is the practice, the answer-seeking, the resting place, the try-and-try again place, the reminder that you can devote yourself to your Self - even when things are harder than hard.
And my hope is that it becomes a community of support along the way.
Check out my latest project: UNRAVEL YOUR DAYS.
xx, alycia buenger
Why "Consistency" Doesn't Work For Everyone
Let me start by saying: “Consistent” practice is not the same as DEVOTED practice.
Devoted practice works, I think, because it drops judgement + embraces flow.
Consistent practice fails, because it easily becomes about “checking the box,” like brushing your teeth (v existing in the entirety of experience).
Let me start by saying: “Consistent” practice is not the same as DEVOTED practice.
Devoted practice works, I think, because it drops judgement + embraces flow.
Consistent practice fails, because it easily becomes about “checking the box,” like brushing your teeth (v existing in the entirety of experience).
I used to believe the internet lie that consistency is key to success, and happiness, and ease:
“Successful people wake up at the same time every day. Happy people move through the same morning routine every day. They eat the same breakfast, at the same time, every day.”
Maybe that’s true - for some of us. But it’s not my experience (and maybe it’s not yours either).
My belief is that: we’re not designed to do the same thing, at the same time, every day.
Women especially (but men, too!) are designed to move through cycles:
We cycle through hormones every month, we cycle through pregnancy-birth-postpartum over 2+ years for each of our babes (if we have them), we cycle through drastically different ages + stages in our hopefully long lifetimes.
Which means, “consistent” practice doesn’t serve us in the way it’s advertised.
Devoted practice might, though.
My point is, if you are DEVOTED to yourself more than the practice, your practice can change - your practice can grow as you do!
Because you can trust yourself.
You can try and try again, believing that your sole purpose in this world is just that: to show the heck up, to DEVOTE yourself to yourself.
Thoughts on this? Share a comment below! Would love to hear your experience with these words, too.
xx, alycia buenger
Mind Wandering Meditation: Quick + Easy Practice (for beginners, too!)
There are lots of ways to meditate, lots of types of meditation, and lots of different meditation teachers.
There’s no ‘one size fits all.’
And it’s less about HOW you practice, and for HOW LONG, than it is about WHERE it takes you.
Even as I say the word meditation, I recognize my own beliefs about this word, my own stories around what that means…
“Meditation is a long practice. It requires hours and hours on a meditation pillow.”
“Meditation can only be ‘mastered’ after years of practice.”
“Meditation is for people who have lots of free time (i.e. not me, not mothers with small kiddos).”
But here’s what I know: There are lots of ways to meditate, lots of types of meditation, and lots of different meditation teachers.
There’s no ‘one size fits all.’
And it’s less about HOW you practice, and for HOW LONG, than it is about WHERE it takes you.
The meditation in the video above is a mind-wandering meditation practice that I love, because it’s accessible: it doesn’t require me to listen to hours of guided audio or sit a certain way, breath a certain way…
But it’s powerful.
Maybe this practice seems vague - but that’s what I like about it!
When I take a mind-wandering approach to my meditation (whether every day or just when I need it), it literally changes the course of my day.
xx, alycia buenger