Why Non-Negotiable Habits Don't Work
One of the many, many reasons "non-negotiable" daily habits fall flat for me is that, my daily life is forever changing.
Partly because my babies are forever changing.
For awhile the baby was up really early in the morning; now the girls stay up late jumping in each other's beds. Which means, sometimes we sleep in, sometimes we have a breakfast picnic outside... and sometimes we let an early movie salvage a hard day.
One of the many, many reasons "non-negotiable" daily habits fall flat for me is that, my daily life is forever changing.
Partly because my babies are forever changing.
For awhile the baby was up really early in the morning; now the girls stay up late jumping in each other's beds. Which means, sometimes we sleep in, sometimes we have a breakfast picnic outside... and sometimes we let an early movie salvage a hard day.
If I tied myself to one morning routine, or one evening routine: 1, IT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN (I'm slightly averse to do-or-die “to do” lists).
But 2, I would be a forever failure.
I prefer the RITUALS we create together: slowly making hot coffee while the girls eat breakfast, documenting the backyard trees with my whispering babes, lighting a candle at the start of my work time (however infrequent), squeezing together on our too-small couch to read stories they’ll act out later.
But these are never "non-negotiable.” Otherwise I'd be constantly trying, "failing," and re-starting my life more often than not.
I prefer instead to feel the significance of sacred moments as often as possible, much more than regulating their consistency.
Thoughts on this? Share a comment below - I would love to hear your perspective.
xx, alycia buenger
How To Create Rituals For Daily Life
The purpose of RITUAL practice is often to signify a change from the everyday experience, he said.
This happens with “coming of age” rituals, holiday traditions, marriage ceremonies, baptisms (all sacred ceremonies you find within different religions and spiritual traditions).
But this also happens with things like bedtime prayers, journaling practice, and morning routines.
Because, put simply: a RITUAL is something you do in patterned intervals to mark an important change.
One of my first and most formative college classes was called “Myth and Ritual.”
I chose this class specifically because I didn’t personally enjoy either (and that’s always the perfect reason to learn more, I think).
I entered the class with the general opinion that RITUAL practice distracts us from real connection: to ourselves, to Spirit.
(You might notice the similarity between my opinion and the history of denominations in the Christian Church: following the split from Catholicism, then Lutheranism - there have been fewer and fewer “repeat after me” rituals in the Church.)
But, my professor held a different perspective (or several).
The purpose of RITUAL practice is often to signify a change from the everyday experience, he said.
This happens with “coming of age” rituals, holiday traditions, marriage ceremonies, baptisms (all sacred ceremonies you find within different religions and spiritual traditions).
But this also happens with things like bedtime prayers, journaling practice, and morning routines.
Because, put simply: a RITUAL is something you do in patterned intervals to mark an important change.
From waking up to starting the day.
From working to playing.
From alone time to family time.
From summer to fall.
From winter to spring.
From Thanksgiving to Christmas+Hanukkah.
From Lent to Easter.
And a RITUAL might be something you do once every year or every day. It can be elaborate or simple (the choice is yours).
But the purpose is to signify (to you and to everyone around you) that what you’re doing now holds a different importance, a higher frequency, a special energy.
What you’re doing now is Sacred.
And this is important! Because my belief is that we’re Sacred beings, our lives hold Sacred importance!
Why can’t more of what we do be bathed in ritual?
Why can’t we ritualize seemingly unimportant, mundane parts of everyday life?
Why can’t we create rituals outside the ones passed along?
We can. And my opinion is that we should.
Ritualize the simple things we do everyday to support our Becoming, the small actions or inactions we do on purpose, because this is what creates POSSIBILITY.
For ourselves and for our world.
There are lots of ways to do this! There are lots of variations of “how to create RITUAL” to support your sacred becoming (and no one-size-fits-all).
For me, it’s a cyclical unraveling of forever asking, “What will support me right now? And now?”
My best advice, though? Just get started. Then you have something to digest, change, and/or add onto.
xx, alycia buenger
Why "Consistency" Doesn't Work For Everyone
Let me start by saying: “Consistent” practice is not the same as DEVOTED practice.
Devoted practice works, I think, because it drops judgement + embraces flow.
Consistent practice fails, because it easily becomes about “checking the box,” like brushing your teeth (v existing in the entirety of experience).
Let me start by saying: “Consistent” practice is not the same as DEVOTED practice.
Devoted practice works, I think, because it drops judgement + embraces flow.
Consistent practice fails, because it easily becomes about “checking the box,” like brushing your teeth (v existing in the entirety of experience).
I used to believe the internet lie that consistency is key to success, and happiness, and ease:
“Successful people wake up at the same time every day. Happy people move through the same morning routine every day. They eat the same breakfast, at the same time, every day.”
Maybe that’s true - for some of us. But it’s not my experience (and maybe it’s not yours either).
My belief is that: we’re not designed to do the same thing, at the same time, every day.
Women especially (but men, too!) are designed to move through cycles:
We cycle through hormones every month, we cycle through pregnancy-birth-postpartum over 2+ years for each of our babes (if we have them), we cycle through drastically different ages + stages in our hopefully long lifetimes.
Which means, “consistent” practice doesn’t serve us in the way it’s advertised.
Devoted practice might, though.
My point is, if you are DEVOTED to yourself more than the practice, your practice can change - your practice can grow as you do!
Because you can trust yourself.
You can try and try again, believing that your sole purpose in this world is just that: to show the heck up, to DEVOTE yourself to yourself.
Thoughts on this? Share a comment below! Would love to hear your experience with these words, too.
xx, alycia buenger